Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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