the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
