Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
