im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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