a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
