Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
