Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize