Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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