I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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