haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
