Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
