I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
