Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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