Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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