I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This is my gift to your gina
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
