and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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