Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
