bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
