You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
