yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
