I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize