what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
