and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
