end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize