I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
