The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
