you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
