Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
