Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
