Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
