Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
