He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
