In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
