I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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