She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
