So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
