just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
