You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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