I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
