i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
