I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
