I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
