here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
