Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize