We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
