This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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