just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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