I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
