You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
