I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
