I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
