so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
