I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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