We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
