mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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