Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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