Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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