ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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