Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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