we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
