I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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