I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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