i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize