this just has baby written all over it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
