He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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