I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
