Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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