it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
