That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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