First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize