Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize