he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
