i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
