Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
