Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
