I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
