the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
