I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
