All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
