4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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