Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
