Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
