so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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