Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
