well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
