I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
