This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
