living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
