It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
