i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
