Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
