Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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