Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
