WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
