worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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