Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
