so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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