Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
